It’s funny how we hang onto so many “things” in life. About four months after moving into my place I was still unpacking, and that was no surprise to me or anyone that knows me. One night I came across some documents that brought a painful memory to the forefront of my mind. After several tears, I began to think, if things can have this kind of impact on me what are the people in my life doing to me? Much like things in life we have a hard time letting people go. Often we hang onto people at the expense of our health and well-being. People that may be in our lives or those that have already left, we grasp onto the tangible and the intangible for fear of letting go, loss or facing the inevitable truth. I couldn’t help but think that had I not kept those things I would not have felt the sadness that overcame me when they resurfaced. It is okay to forget some things; it is okay to let go. There are points in our lives and people that come into our lives that help teach us and mold us into who we are today. But that is all they are meant for; they are not meant to be carried on into our future. Letting go allows us to begin again. I had to ask myself, how many “things” am I carrying? How many grudges, exes, and regrets are keeping me from moving on? It was a tough realization that needed to be dealt with to free my mind and life of toxicities that were burdening me. Imagine the sense of freedom and free space in our minds if only we learn to let go.
It isn’t always easy, being the filler.
The person that occupies space in someone’s life
until something better comes along.
Fulfilling needs, as needed, on a need to know basis.
It’s like walking towards a ledge, blindfolded,
anticipation of the end is overwhelming and unknown.
Arms reaching out for the safety of the other person,
or some proof that it is real,
that the love is mutual.
Each footstep a deafening reminder that time is running out.
The realization that one day you will wake up
and no longer be needed becomes too heavy to carry.
Until finally, time stops.
His heart yearns for another,
He needs you no longer.
Broken you move on,
believing one day you will no longer be the filler,
you’ll become the forever.
Love is spoken in many different languages. Some more fluent than others, some happier than others, and some angrier than others. They all have one thing in common; they are words from the mouths of the fallen. Except one, there is one that is spoken through the lyrics of songs that speak directly to your soul. Songbirds that have carried… Read more →
I stumbled upon some unsettling news the other day. It was the kind of news that sweeps into your mind and takes the very beat from your heart and the very breath from your body. My only reaction was to cry. I wept. I wept for the people that I once loved, the family that faced this tragic event. I… Read more →
Ever since I was young I have had this itch inside of me. An urge to always seek and explore the unknown. Whether it was in my mind, my relationship, my town…it didn’t matter the medium I always yearned for more. There is no amount of traveling over the years that has quieted the voice inside of me. That longing to be somewhere else, the realization that I am no longer moving forward in my current place. It is a scary thought and an even scarier reality. To think that for however long, everything I have been chasing is nothing I have been searching for, and it has all led me back to this place I have been trying to escape. There is no doubt that I have learned and grown over the years, enough to keep me content, but I have now come to this unavoidable fork in the road. I can continue to be in this stalemate or I can wander until I am lost.
The easy decision would be to stay. To stay close to friends and family. To stay close to familiar sights and sounds. To stay close to familiar streets and smells. To stay within the comforts that have supported me for so long. The comforts that have since begun to hold me back. Or I could go blindly into the unknown. Run as fast and as far as I can until nothing is familiar at all. Somewhere no one knows my name. A place that is so far from the realm of comfortable to me that I have no choice but to completely submerge myself in the sense of being lost.
The choice is obvious to me. I need to feel something again. I need to wake up to another sunrise and lay down to another sunset. I need to feel as far from normal as I can possibly stand. I need to revel in conversation with complete strangers. I need to marvel at the beauty of new places. I need to be inspired by being lost. The doubt and fear that has most certainly held me back at times, will no longer. I must break free from the constraints of my comfort zone. For my wandering soul has sought new life for far too long.
To Survive is to continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship. It’s funny how commonly we use the word survive when talking about an accident or near death experience or anything related to someone surviving death. But how often do we think of and acknowledge the ones that survive daily life. Just by waking up and making… Read more →
It is no surprise we live in a material world. In a society swarmed with possessions it is nearly impossible to not want, want, want! In my last transition I was humbled when I realized that all of my possessions fit into a 10 foot box. I have chosen a path in this life that does not necessarily award me… Read more →
I haven’t posted for awhile. It isn’t always easy to find the time to sit down and blog. Sometimes I find comfort in just journaling. Alas, ’tis the season to get back to habits. Habits that make me happy. It only seems fitting that I start with an update on the wonderful woman I work for. Since my last post… Read more →