It’s funny how we hang onto so many “things” in life. About four months after moving into my place I was still unpacking, and that was no surprise to me or anyone that knows me. One night I came across some documents that brought a painful memory to the forefront of my mind. After several tears, I began to think, if things can have this kind of impact on me what are the people in my life doing to me? Much like things in life we have a hard time letting people go. Often we hang onto people at the expense of our health and well-being. People that may be in our lives or those that have already left, we grasp onto the tangible and the intangible for fear of letting go, loss or facing the inevitable truth. I couldn’t help but think that had I not kept those things I would not have felt the sadness that overcame me when they resurfaced. It is okay to forget some things; it is okay to let go. There are points in our lives and people that come into our lives that help teach us and mold us into who we are today. But that is all they are meant for; they are not meant to be carried on into our future. Letting go allows us to begin again. I had to ask myself, how many “things” am I carrying? How many grudges, exes, and regrets are keeping me from moving on? It was a tough realization that needed to be dealt with to free my mind and life of toxicities that were burdening me. Imagine the sense of freedom and free space in our minds if only we learn to let go.
It isn’t always easy, being the filler.
The person that occupies space in someone’s life
until something better comes along.
Fulfilling needs, as needed, on a need to know basis.
It’s like walking towards a ledge, blindfolded,
anticipation of the end is overwhelming and unknown.
Arms reaching out for the safety of the other person,
or some proof that it is real,
that the love is mutual.
Each footstep a deafening reminder that time is running out.
The realization that one day you will wake up
and no longer be needed becomes too heavy to carry.
Until finally, time stops.
His heart yearns for another,
He needs you no longer.
Broken you move on,
believing one day you will no longer be the filler,
you’ll become the forever.
Exhausting. One word sums up the past four months of my life. It is hard to find time to do what you love when you can barely manage to take care of what you need. But this is me, fighting the current, coming back to what I love, writing. It is easy to allow our heads to fill with the… Read more →
Love is spoken in many different languages. Some more fluent than others, some happier than others, and some angrier than others. They all have one thing in common; they are words from the mouths of the fallen. Except one, there is one that is spoken through the lyrics of songs that speak directly to your soul. Songbirds that have carried… Read more →
I stumbled upon some unsettling news the other day. It was the kind of news that sweeps into your mind and takes the very beat from your heart and the very breath from your body. My only reaction was to cry. I wept. I wept for the people that I once loved, the family that faced this tragic event. I… Read more →
“Intuition is a spiritual faculty, and does not explain, but simply points the way.” -Florence Scovel Shinn I love when my devotionals all say essentially the same thing. I know it means I need to hear what they are trying to tell me. Today I read about intuition and having faith when you are faced only with fear. We… Read more →
I have recently taken on the responsibility of helping my niece start an aquarium. I used to help my ex-boyfriend with his 100 gallon tank and when I say help I mean picking out fish. All the really important stuff he did alone and I took enjoyment in seeing the fruits of his labor. Never the less, I was the one for the job when my niece decided she was going to take on this hobby. Since she was a beginner, her mom started her with a little tank, 1.5 gallons to be exact. At first glance I honestly felt bad for anything that was forced to live in such a small area. Once I realized she had not one but two fish living in that tank I knew we were going to need a bigger tank. So, we went shopping. We upgraded to ten gallons and added a candy cane frog. I remember thinking, while we were moving the old fish to the new tank, how happy they must be. Their world literally multiplied ten times its original size. There were plants added and more rocks…the possibilities were endless. As she began to think of all the new fish she could get I had to remind her that, although the tank is bigger, it is still tiny when compared to their normal habitat. One thing we were constantly told by fish experts was that they will only grow as big as the tank allows.
It is funny how easily that can be translated and related to our lives. If you stick a fish in a bowl, the limit to its life lies inside of that half gallon bowl. Now if you take that same fish and put it in a pond, the opportunity of life and growth is nearly limitless. It is far too easy for us to become stuck in the repetitive routine of daily life. If we confine ourselves to our comfort zone then we limit our own growth. Imagine the possibilities that await you in this vast world. Break free from the constraints of your comfort zone and embrace your true potential. Go get lost and find yourself.
Ever since I was young I have had this itch inside of me. An urge to always seek and explore the unknown. Whether it was in my mind, my relationship, my town…it didn’t matter the medium I always yearned for more. There is no amount of traveling over the years that has quieted the voice inside of me. That longing to be somewhere else, the realization that I am no longer moving forward in my current place. It is a scary thought and an even scarier reality. To think that for however long, everything I have been chasing is nothing I have been searching for, and it has all led me back to this place I have been trying to escape. There is no doubt that I have learned and grown over the years, enough to keep me content, but I have now come to this unavoidable fork in the road. I can continue to be in this stalemate or I can wander until I am lost.
The easy decision would be to stay. To stay close to friends and family. To stay close to familiar sights and sounds. To stay close to familiar streets and smells. To stay within the comforts that have supported me for so long. The comforts that have since begun to hold me back. Or I could go blindly into the unknown. Run as fast and as far as I can until nothing is familiar at all. Somewhere no one knows my name. A place that is so far from the realm of comfortable to me that I have no choice but to completely submerge myself in the sense of being lost.
The choice is obvious to me. I need to feel something again. I need to wake up to another sunrise and lay down to another sunset. I need to feel as far from normal as I can possibly stand. I need to revel in conversation with complete strangers. I need to marvel at the beauty of new places. I need to be inspired by being lost. The doubt and fear that has most certainly held me back at times, will no longer. I must break free from the constraints of my comfort zone. For my wandering soul has sought new life for far too long.